Tire Barn

Note: For all you Jon Crum fans, we wrote this one together on the phone while I was standing at Tire Barn, and Jon probably came up with more stuff for it than I did, including the use of the word "larn". But he refused to post it under his own name, because he is so humble. Also, Jon read me the entire thing of T.S Eliot's The Wasteland, except he skipped two pages by accident, so maybe that was why the plot didn't make sense.

One part was pretty cool though. "She smoothes her hair with automatic hand" Why does this woman have an automatic hand? Is she some sort of cyborg? Eliot, if you're still alive, and reading this, that's some good shit. So that was cool. Also, it turns out April is the cruelest month, or possibly the coolest - not sure, the phone reception was pretty bad.

So, without further ado, here is the poem, mostly written by Jon. Have you ever noticed how when somebody is introducing something, they say "without further ado" when they're about to start. But, if they still have lots of crap to get through in their introduction, they never say "here's some more ado" or "with further ado". I guess "ado" is not a thing you want to have lots of. People are generally pretty proud of their lack of ado. It's a good state to be devoid of ado. I guess Shakespeare also wrote that play "Much Ado About Nothing" staring Keanu Reeves I believe. But again, if you'll notice in that title, the ado was all for naught. Nobody ever has important ado, or tells their kid, "Sorry, Jimmy, I can't make it to your little league game, I have all kinds of ado to bust through this weekend."

Anyway, now that I'm through with this note, I'm kind of embarassed of the Tire Barn poem to tell the truth. Jon kinda dropped the ball on that one, poetrywise. He really could have done a better job. But you know how Jane Austen fans read the noevels she never finished, and all the crap she wrote for relatives and stuff? Just consider this like that. Not part of Jon's official oeuvre, but still of interest for true fans of Jon's work.

Also, I would just like to state, while I'm thinking of it, that Jane Austen was NOT a proto-feminist. Sorry, proto-feminists, Jane Austen was not one of you. If you jerks would actually read her novels you would see she had a lot deeper thoughts about sex relations than ever goes through any of your little heads. Just think about Emma. She's a real bitch for most of that book, until she realizes Mr. Knightley is cool and she should marry him, because he loves her enough to correct her. See? That's not a real feminist ending there, Feminists. Maybe you should just get your grubby mitts off my Jane Austen. Oh I'm sorry, did I hurt your feelings, Feminists? Are you going to have to form a support group? Well, you shouldn't have messed with Jane.

Also, to people who liked Pride and Prejudice, please stop writting sequels to it. The universe was perfectly fine without any sequels to Pride and Prejudice. Why mess around with a perfectly fine universe? And yes, the zombie thing was kind of funny, but it was a bore to read.

But to get back to Jane Austen the Feminist, the sad thing is I have actually met real life girls who have been brainwashed into thinking Jane Austen was a proto-feminist. And the sad part is that they are girls, and I follow a strict diet of chivalry, so I cannot punch them in their faces. But it's too bad somebody (possibly their parents or legal guardians) didn't punch them in their faces at some point to teach them not to seduced by feminists who want to steal Jane Austen from the rest of us. Oh, that makes me so angry!

Anyway, this is the poem I wrote about tire barn:

Here I am at Tire Barn
Where I don't belong
It seems that I will never larn
It seems that I am ever wrong

Oh tire barn! Oh tire barn!
How I hate you so
It seems that I will never larn
It seems that I will never know